my toxic trait is that if i am ever inconvenienced emotionally at any time i think oh, i deserve food delivery
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Posted on Thursday, 25 May 2023
Posted by myautisticpov
Posted by myautisticpov
I think the weirdest thing about being served tiktok content of autistic people around my age is that, like most things, people most talk about autism when they first learn that they’re autistic
So I’ve spent years feeling fatigued and needing a nap if I leave the house for more than ten minutes, or feeling overwhelmed and panicking when trying to make pasta instead of a sandwich, all the while people around me are like “you’re, like, barely autistic, you’re literally the most high functioning, you definitely don’t need help and support” and now I’m seeing content from people, like, “yeah, so I have my high profile career and two kids, and I manage our household, and I guess it all just got a bit much for me, so that’s when I got diagnosed in my thirties”
And this isn’t meant as a complaint against those people, I just feel super fucking gaslit that I’ve spent the last twenty-eight years of my life being told that I don’t even need help and support, and it’s just my anxiety making me think that I do, when I see other autistic people going “yeah, I’ve gone through skill regression thanks to burnout and it’s making my life hell” and they’re just describing the same level of functioning I’ve been at this entire fucking time
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That's such a mood
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While I'm talking about writing I do want to rec two INCREDIBLE writing apps that have helped me immensely as a writer with ADHD
Stimuwrite is a little program that you can customize with all sorts of really rewarding instant tactile feedback, for example sound effects every time you hit a key, emoji notifications and balloons when you hit your custom goal (which can be as low as you want for low energy days), and neat animated backgrounds.
4thewords turns writing into an RPG and you can kill monsters via word count in order to complete quests and progress through what I personally find to be an interesting and fun storyline. It comes with all the RPG trappings like loot, gear, even custom housing (win more stuff for your house by writing).
I cannot stress ENOUGH how amazing both of these have been in terms of my writing productivity as someone with pretty severe executive dysfunction issues. Usually I use Stimuwrite for the instant feedback and then copy and paste those over into 4thewords for the gamification.
Both are small indie projects, Stimuwrite is pay-what-you-can-afford and 4thewords is $4/month but they are very good about helping people who genuinely can't afford it.
and AS THE CHERRY ON TOP, Stimuwrite's programmer is a trans woman, and while I'm not sure about the 4thewords team in specific, the game is FILLED with really great rep, they are literally having a lesbian wedding global event going on right now as I type this. So like. I like giving money to them more than giving money to a lot of other projects lol.
Anyway no neither of these projects have told me to write about them or anything I just want to spread the love. Go check them out!!
I’ve used and recommend both of these programs, and also PomoFarm, which isn’t writing specific, but I find really helpful as a concentration timer
Honestly, setting a timer in PomoFarm, writing in Stimuwrite for the set time to get encouragement as you go, and then copy/pasting the words to 4thewords to fight the monsters is a pretty good mix
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opens box that reads "i wanna draw again". inside lies a note. the note says, "mental illness and difficult circumstances have taken years of interest, accessibility, and skill away from me. i want to forgive myself for that. i want to heal my relationship to my hobbies. i want to feel connected to something that once made me feel good, but the cyclic discouragement is difficult to overcome." i turn over the note. on the back it reads "wannta drawe sexy bodies awooga"
seems like this one really resonated with the artists who dont do art fandom
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Posted on Monday, 22 May 2023
Posted by myautisticpov
Posted by myautisticpov
Honestly, I don’t complain about neurotypicals that much as an adult because, not gonna lie, once I became an adult they became much less of an obstacle in the way of me getting accommodations than other neurodivergent people who are either unaware of their neurodivergence or refuse to examine how it affects their behaviour
Like, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to date an allistic person, but in day to day life, if something isn’t working for me, conversations with them are more often than not like
Me: Hey, this thing isn’t working for me because of my autism/ADHD. Can we change it?
Neurotypical: I mean, that sounds annoying…
Me: It’s actually really important to me that we approach this differently
Neurotypical: Okay, we can look into it
And with a self-aware neurodivergent person, it looks like this:
Me: Hey, this thing isn’t working for me because of my autism/ADHD. Can we change it?
Self-aware neurodivergent person: Oh, actually, I need it to stay the same because of my autism/ADHD
Me: Could we try to reach a compromise that suits both of our needs?
Self-aware neurodivergent person: Yeah, no problem
But with a not self-aware neurodivergent person, it looks like:
Me: Hey, this thing isn’t working for me because of my autism/ADHD. Can we change it?
Not self-aware neurodivergent person: No. We’re doing it the correct way now, if we changed it, it would be the incorrect way.
Me: I think it’s less “correct” and “incorrect” and more that we need systems that suit different needs. Could we talk about how to find a system that meets both of our needs?
Not self-aware neurodivergent person: No, the system is correct now. Stop trying to change it, you’re going to break it.
Me: Okay, but I need to change it, otherwise I can’t work with it.
Not self-aware neurodivergent person: No, you’re doing things wrong. You are the person completely in the wrong here, and you’re messing things up.
And, like, unless neurotypical people are being outright ableist, it’s often clearly neurodivergent people who refuse to accommodate me, and then all of the surrounding neurotypicals are like “Oh, yeah, but you know, they’re just a little eccentric, and you just need to let them have their way” as if me being able to articulate my neurodivergent issues makes them more flexible than the other person’s
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Posted on Sunday, 21 May 2023
Posted by myautisticpov
Posted by myautisticpov
Okay, real question for anyone who actually knows the answer: why do all prebuilt machines (here in the UK) only come with 1TB of storage?
I’m in the special interest hole deep enough now to be comfortable building my own machine once I’ve saved up, but it still baffles me that every prebuilt machine only comes with 1TB of storage
I bought this machine eight years ago, and it came with a 2TB SATA SSD, and it still fills up every so often
Like, I literally just had to uninstall The Master Chief Collection and Sea of Thieves because they were both around 100GB, and the fact that my computer is eight years old means that I don’t own a lot of the newer games that I know are often that big
And it’s not just games, I’ve filled this hard drive up with photoshop files before
And, like, in terms of expensive components, bigger SSDs barely even register, so why are there are they never used any more?
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Posted on Sunday, 21 May 2023
Posted by myautisticpov
Posted by myautisticpov
There are few things worse to my ADHD than “rinse until the water runs clear”
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Posted on Saturday, 20 May 2023
Posted by myautisticpov
Posted by myautisticpov
“I don’t care if you didn’t learn it in school, it’s not that hard to learn as an adult” is often technically true, but it assumes that you don’t have a dozen other things to be learning right now
It assumes that you’re not trying to keep up with/learn foreign languages; that you’re not trying to retrain because your industry sucks; that your job doesn’t require constant training; that you’re not trying to learn the new skills necessary to raise kids; that you’re not having to learn a bunch of DIY skills because you can’t afford to get a guy out; that you’re not trying to keep up with skills related to your hobby so that you can spend your free time making things you’re proud of without worrying that you’re getting rusty; and that there aren’t a dozen other things that, yeah, you should probably know, and are all competing for your time…
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Hey @staff the fact that every three posts on the mobile app, I'm being forced to watch a viscerally disgusting video with no way to say "hey, stop showing me this specific ad, I find it really upsetting" isn't making me want to pay to go ad free, it's making me want to stop using Tumblr out of spite
Literally just happened again while I'm sitting in a restaurant, waiting for food
I'm literally uninstalling the app as soon as I've posted this - if I want to use Tumblr, I can wait until I'm on desktop
“Can’t you just scroll past them?”
The viscerally disturbing stuff is in the first few seconds, and because of how large the posts are, it takes a while to scroll past. And when I’m just reading the end of a post, and am casually scrolling up, I see the content in the bottom of the screen. Then I have to push it down and out of frame and awkwardly finish reading the current post at the bottom of the screen. Then I have to scroll past, seeing it all again, before carefully keeping the next post at the exact top of the screen to not see the content again.
And then in three posts, it happens again, so I don’t have time to calm down and recover.
Anyway, I did uninstall the app and go back to using the mobile website, but the create post button disappeared from there, and it takes several clicks of messing around to get my activity page
Okay, I should probably explain what I did figure out - I think the ads on android are served by Google Play, so still annoying that there isn’t an easy way to block specific ads, but I suspect that’s a problem on Google’s end
I’m gonna go into my google ad settings to try to block these things across the board
(also, lol, Google’s guessed info on me is very wrong - they thought I only had a bachelor’s degree and had my relationship status very wrong... They also couldn’t guess my industry and the employer size might also be wrong)
Hmm, actually, Google won’t let me limit ads based on anything but the top most sensitive topics, so back to not using the mobile app it is